TY - BOOK AU - Harris,David TI - Top tips for life: completely useless advice for modern living SN - 9780091959944 U1 - 828.9207 23 PY - 2014/// CY - London PB - Ebury Press KW - English wit and humor N2 - Life doesn't come with an instruction manual. But if it did, and if that manual was cobbled together in five minutes by a drunken idiot-genius, then it might look something like these crowd-sourced tips and ill-thought-out ideas from the twitter account TwopTwips. Covering everything from how best to turn your cat into a fearsome stegosaurus to pre-empting jellyfish stings. From the profane to the ridiculous, these laugh-at-loud nuggets of advice, with absurd and informative illustrations, will change your life in a hugely insignificant way. Tips include: BORED of a friend's text messages? Reply with 'unsubscribe' and they'll get the hint. SPICE up a boring salad by replacing the vegetables with bacon and placing between two slices of bread. STOP your dog from pulling on its lead by walking a bit faster. PREPARE your children for office life by acting awkwardly around them in the kitchen. AVOID the hassle and expense of hair straighteners by not eating your crusts ER -